Rest In Peace

How do you feel about funerals for miscarriages?

I recently attended a funeral for a still born baby. It was only around 16 weeks into the pregnancy. Open casket. Any comments? This baby looked completely developed, it was just very very tiny. Also, I am not sure how far along she was exactly.

Public Comments

1. I personally don't think I could do that. A miscarriage would be devastating enough by itself, following it with a funeral would just be adding more pain for me.
2. Well i dont think that was ok like the girl above me said its hard enough as it is.. my mom had a miscarriage 2 yrs ago and it is to hard for her, i can imagen it is to see the little baby..
3. I was always told that it wasn't considered still born til after at least 20 weeks. The baby can't survive before 22 - 24 weeks so it's a miscarriage not a still birth. It depends on the person, I wouldn't hold an open casket funeral for one but mourning the loss and burying it doesn't seem out of the realm of ordinary.
4. Everyone grieves in different ways. If thats the best way someone feels that situation can be handled, i say why not.
5. Open casket? Wow I can see honoring the child but that seems a bit over the top to me.
6. I believe personally that it is a good healing process for the woman who lost her baby. I miscarried in my 15th week and still wish that I could have done something like that. I think that it helps with the grieving process. Even though the child wasn't fully developed, it's still a person too.
7. I think it really depends on how far along the baby is and how the family deals with loss. If that's how they want to grieve then so be it. By I would definitely not have open casket.
8. I'll probably get slaughtered for this, but I think the concept of having an open casket is truly awful. How can it be fair on anyone? It's shocking to 'expect' people to want to see an undeveloped foetus. Open caskets can help people come to terms with the loss of a loved one. It may sound harsh, but a 16 week old unborn baby should not have to be put on show. Yes, it's sad for everyone close the parents, but the deep grief will really only be felt by the parents themselves. I lost my daughter at the age of 3, and having to endure a 'public' funeral was just awful, but obviously unavoidable. Since losing her, I have suffered 2 miscarriages (at 12 weeks and 17 weeks), and I cannot imagine wanting to have a 'funeral' for the foetus. Myself and my husband said our goodbyes - it was a fiercely private time. How can you ask someone to be involved in laying to rest something which even yourself hasn't had the chance to know? Still, horses for courses and I guess people should do whatever they feel they need to in order to cope and move on.
9. Whatever it takes to bring the parents closure. My husband's cousin's baby died when forced to be delivered (preeclampsia) at 5 months... they had a funeral for her. It is a human life whether others got to know the child or not. I think it is perfectly fine to have a funeral.
10. I've heard of memorial services for miscarriages--I wish my husband would have been open to having one when we miscarried, but he wouldn't agree to it. I personally wouldn't have done an open casket, maybe an ultrasound picture if there was one. But if that's how the mother chose to grieve, then that's fine. It does give a sense of closure to have a funeral.
11. before i was a mother i didnt support it but now i am, there is nothing like the love of a mother to a child, dead or alive and most of all mothers will do what ever it takes to take care of their babies. if the last thing to do is to pay the last tribute to them then let it be. may god rest the soul of the little one forever.
12. i would ask at the funeral directors if there was a kind family that would allow the baby to be placed in a coffin with another deceased person. and that the baby was mentioned during the service which i could also attend. i have heard of this being done and the family usually likes to do it for the baby and the babies family. also baby doesnt leave this earth alone
13. i think that a funeral is a good idea to help with the pain and sadness.but the open casket is really odd. and i think what the person above me said is right about before 20 weeks it is considered a miscarriage and not a still birth as its not viable before then
14. that is so very sad and im very sorry to hear of this sad news xxxxxxx
15. My last pregnancy was a twin pregnancy and i lost one of the babies at 19 weeks. We held a funeral for her, close family only but i don't think i could have coped with an open casket. Me and my hubby spent some time with her after she was born, i felt i needed to see her to be able to say a proper goodbye. But i suppose each to their own, people grieve in different ways...But i personally believe having an open casket could be upsetting for people attending the funeral.
16. Hi I have to thank you for asking this question as my baby would have been due in two days time and I was getting very mixed feelings coming up to this time, but reading the positive answers has helped me, I was 17 weeks pregnant with my little boy Kyle, and I had a funeral but the coffin was closed, I don't think it would be right to have an open coffin, my family where upset enough with out having to witness an open casket, I lost his brother Nathan at 17 weeks pregnant too, three years ago and there was complaints from some people because I bought a plot and had a funeral for him, this really upset me as I felt I needed to respect his little body as I would had he been full term, now I find comfort in knowing that my boys are together, rather then been left in the hospital